A Double-edged Sword

March 28, 2012 By 1 Comment

She tugged on her grandmother’s sleeve. Four years old and blonde, bouncing curls. “Gramma, look! Look at me, Gramma!” We had played up the visit. It was the first time ever in her memory that she had met this grandparent. We told her how much her Gramma loved her, and couldn’t wait to see her. She was very excited about this trip.

“Honey, don’t pull on me. Why don’t you just go sit over there for a while?” Gramma sighed impatiently, bouncing her baby cousin, and turning back to the aunt she was speaking to. The little girl’s heart fell, and she went to sit quietly on the stairs, trying to hold back tears. As she hugged her knees to her chest, it took all of my strength not to repeat the mistake Gramma had just made, and let my words tear a relationship apart.

“The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked.” Proverbs 10:11 (NIV)

Words can heal, or words can hurt. They can build up, or they can destroy. They can be a fountain of life, or they can kill a relationship. That day, as I watched the hope fade out of a 4 year old’s eyes, I realized that more acutely than ever. Little words, passing sentiments, can linger for years. Forever. Wounds that stab. Words that cut. They can be more dangerous than a double edged sword.

But, there’s another side. “The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life…” A fountain of life. Words can give life. They can be a healing balm. A cool drink, in the middle of the scorching desert. They can restore life to a dead relationship, and they can heal a broken heart. They are more precious than the finest jewels.

Words are powerful indeed. Think of it: The Holy Scripture, a book of words. Words put together in the right order, ordained by God, to show the world His love for us. Words, just words. Print on a page. But the most powerful piece of literature ever written. Words that change the course of civilization. Just words.

What are you teaching your daughter about words? Are you teaching her that they are a weapon, or priceless? Are you teaching her to wield them for her benefit, or to use them for the benefit of the world? Are you making a warrior, or a healer?

 

Father in heaven, You’ve told us over and over in your Scripture about our words being a fountain of life, or a weapon of destruction. I want my words to only be a fountain of life to my daughter, and I want her to carry them with her in her heart. I know that from the overflow of the heart, so speaks the mouth. Let my heart be pure, that I might show her Your love, Your grace, Your goodness, through my words. Let me always be a positive example to my daughter of grace, discretion, and wisdom, particularly through my words. And, dear Lord, let my daughter’s speech be always uplifting, bringing praise, honor, and glory to you. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

 

Kristi has been married to her Prince Charming since 2000. They are blessed with six children, including three daughters, ages 10, 2, and 2. The have recently moved to Nashville, TN, and are enjoying getting settled into urban life again. Kristi blogs about homeschooling, life, faith at The Potter’s Hand Academy.

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The Prayer

March 21, 2012 By Leave a Comment

I watched as her eyes started to glaze over. 3… 2… 1… annnd, I lost her. I watched her eyes as they glazed over and her mind slipped away, to wherever she goes when she’s had enough of my lectures. I stop and dismiss her.

The issue wasn’t a severe one. It didn’t really require the lecture I had just given. But I have such a very short time with her, Lord! She was hanging her head as she walked up to her room. To think, I told her.

I know. I gave you every minute with her. It’s a gift, from me. Enjoy it.

It’s such a responsibility! There’s so much to teach her!

Imagine how she feels. There’s so much to learn. Can you imagine how overwhelmed she is? I walked up the stairs. I found her sitting on her bed, Bible and devotional in hand. She didn’t see me. The daughter I had just admonished, turning to the Lord for the comfort and instruction I had failed to give her. This was so right. And so wrong. God gave her to me for comfort and instruction. I had failed. I was proud at where she had turned, and heartbroken at my failure at the same time.

What do I do? How do I teach her?

I’ll give you the words. But you must listen. You must learn to nurture her, not lecture her. You must allow her to be how I created her—a child. You must show her what a joy a life of virtue is. Show her the Source of Joy.

I don’t know how.

I will help you.

Dear Lord, show me how to give my daughter a love of virtue. Help me show her the Joy found in living a life pleasing to You. May I always remember that only You can provide a true picture of virtue to my daughter’s heart. Help me to recognize when is the time to teach, and when is the time to let her go be a child. Help me never to confuse lecturing sermons, with nurturing conversation. May I always remember that true virtue is only found in You, and, therefore, training a virtuous daughter must always be done Your way, not mine. Show me Your way, Lord. Give me Your words. Give me Your wisdom. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

I sat next to her on the bed, and she looked up, surprised. She tried very hard to suppress an eye roll. That was an improvement, at least. But, it was obvious that she was bracing for another lecture. I surprised her. “Whatchya readin’?”

A small question. A simple question, but one that opened the door to my daughter’s heart that morning. You could see the spark relight in her eyes. She was going to have a conversation with her mom. Not be talked to. Not be taught. Just… have a conversation. She had my attention. She had my heart. That’s what she needed.

Kristi has been married to her Prince Charming since 2000. They are blessed with six children, including three daughters, ages 10, 2, and 2. The have recently moved to Nashville, TN, and are enjoying getting settled into urban life again. Kristi blogs about homeschooling, life, faith at The Potter’s Hand Academy.   

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How Our Daughters Can Be Living a Life of Giving Now

March 14, 2012 By 3 Comments

To say life is busy is to notice the sky is blue. Hardly anyone bats an eye at a full schedule. It is expected.

Has it always been that way? I know not, but looking at the Proverbs 31 woman’s life, I can safely conclude she was one busy gal. She spent time with the Lord, respected her husband, taught her children, took care of her home, and managed a few business endeavors. She did this without the convenience of modern inventions and comforts. Granted, she had a few servants, but spinning wool didn’t happen instantaneously. In addition to all of this, she served the needy and less fortunate.

She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.

She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.

She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.

She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.

Proverbs 31:16-20 ESV

As we go about teaching and praying for our daughters to love their families, be keepers of their homes, and to properly care for themselves, let us not neglect the vital area of ministry. Everyone has someone they can serve outside of the home, even our daughters, and it can be very simple to incorporate serving others into her every day schedule.

Some simple ways our daughters can learn to serve others:

  • Are you taking her to the library? In our town, you can adopt a shelf. Each time you go, you tidy the shelf for other patrons.
  • Is she learning to cook? Double the portions to make a second meal for a family in need.
  • Is she out shoveling your driveway and sidewalk after the big snow storm? Ask her to walk across the street to your elderly neighbor’s home and shovel her driveway as well.
  • Is her hair getting long and in need of a haircut? Both of our daughters have grown and donated their hair to Locks of Love.
  • Is she learning to knit or crochet? Perhaps she could make a few hats or scarves for those without.

These are some very convenient ways for our daughters to serve others, but what if you want to encourage your daughter to serve in more ministry opportunities beyond these?

A few ideas to consider:

  • Help collect blankets for the local women’s shelter, food for the homeless shelter, or shoes for children without them.
  • Participate in a fund raiser for a charity or nonprofit organization.
  • Fill shoeboxes for other children halfway around the globe with Operation Christmas Child.
  • Purchase mosquito nets, ducks, and soccer balls through World Vision or Samaritan Purse with their own money.
  • Write letters of encouragement to families or missionaries near and far.

Going out of her way to serve will be harder, but it teaches your daughter that service isn’t always easy, nor is it always convenient. However, it is always worth it.

Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 31:31 ESV

 

Dorie and her drummer husband, Jerry, share a life built on faith, love, and grace. They homeschool their four children, and Dorie blogs about it at Homeschooling Just Next Door. In addition, she shares parts of her own journey of faith at These Grace Filled Days.

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The Shake

March 7, 2012 By Leave a Comment

He was very proud as he handed me the glass. My morning protein shake, in bed even! I rolled over, still not 100% awake, and took the glass. My heart plummeted. Really, Lord? I prayed. It’s not even 7:00 am. Now what am I supposed to do? I don’t need this this morning. I was not having the best of mornings, and I hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet.

Why, you ask? Why would you be so grumpy about your son bringing you breakfast in bed? What a sweet act of service! What a sweet boy!

“What did I tell you about touching my shakes?” I ask him.

The boy looked confused. “I don’t know,” he replied. “It was Sister’s idea. She thought you’d like breakfast in bed.” My eyebrow went up. This was more serious than I thought.

Serious? I can hear you thinking now. How could it be so serious? What a sweet daughter, to make you breakfast in bed. What a sweet girl, thinking of her mother like that!

Except she wasn’t thinking of me. She was being disobedient. For over a week, my daughter had asked to make my shakes. For over a week, I’d told her no. I was very particular about my shakes, and they weren’t cheap. I told her that when she was old enough to drink them herself (the nutritional content was not good for a child, it was a shake for an adult), I’d show her how, and she could make her own. Until then, she was to leave my shakes alone. However, my daughter kept insisting. It was the grown up thing to do in our house. Daddy and Mama had their shakes every morning while the children had their breakfast. Grown-ups made and had the shakes. She needed to prove to me how good she was, so I would let her have the shakes.

So, you see, it wasn’t about serving Mama. It was about brownie points. And in the process, she had deliberately disobeyed me when I had told her not to touch my shakes. My sweet minded girl was not being so sweet, after all. She was being manipulative and deceitful.

I headed downstairs and found her in the kitchen. She smiled sweetly. “Did you enjoy your shake Mama?”

We had quite the talk. It all came out. It usually does, when she realizes that I was 10 years old once, too, and have already figured out her game. She put the idea in her brother’s head, and then sent him up with the shake. The plan was, if I was happy, she could take the credit and look good. If I was upset, she could blame her brother. Not strong on virtuous girlhood this morning. We had a long talk. We spoke of service, of manipulations, and of love languages. We spoke of how Christian service, the service of the Virtuous Woman, is not the means to an end. It is so much more than that. It is sacred.

A servant’s heart is something we try so very hard to instill in our children. Proverbs 31 tells us that the Virtuous Woman “stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.” We want that for our daughters, to see a need, and fill it. Be an ambassador of Christ in all she does, feeding the poor, serving the helpless. And service starts at home, after all…

But what happens when service simply becomes a means to an end. Is it still service? How do we deal when our daughters start using their service as a means for manipulation? We, of course, pray! And then we stop and take stock of what we’re teaching.

Are we teaching our children to look at service as a way to get what they want? Think about it a moment. Why do we tell our children to say please and thank you? Because they’re magic words! They give you what you want! Why do they help Mama out? Because a happy Mama means more treats/playtime/outings/whatever it is they want. But is that the point of service? To get what one wants.

Until our children learn the joy and satisfaction of serving for Jesus’ sake, their motives will always be less than pure.

Heavenly Father, Help me teach her the difference between service and manipulation. Help me teach my daughter that a true servant’s heart comes only from having Your heart for the world. Let her always strive to show others that they are loved, filling their love tanks up, before worrying about her own. Teach her that that is the only way to truly understand love and servanthood. Let her focus be not on herself, but always on You, and, through You, Your people. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Kristi has been married to her Prince Charming since 2000. They are blessed with six children, including three daughters, ages 10, 2, and 2. The have recently moved to Nashville, TN, and are enjoying getting settled into urban life again. Kristi blogs about homeschooling, life, faith at The Potter’s Hand Academy.   

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Purity Prayers

December 6, 2011 By Leave a Comment

One of my prayers for my daughter is that her perspectives on marriage, romance, and sex will remain pure; my prayer is that not just her body, but also her mind and her emotions will remain pure.

Purity is an issue that is hinted at in Proverbs 31 and directly addressed in Titus 2. The virtuous woman will do her husband good and not evil all the days of her life. She is to teach younger women to be chaste and discreet.

But purity is not a matter of behavior or dress standards; it begins in the attitude of the heart. Will my daughter be satisfied, first and foremost, with the Lover of her soul? Or will she succumb to the world’s cheap imitation?  Will she learn love from the One who is Love, or will she settle for mere sexual attraction and “compatibility”?

If my daughter cannot find fulfillment and contentment in the Love of all life today, she will never find satisfaction in another sinful human being—no matter how perfect Hollywood or even the Christian romance novel portrays “true love” to be.

My prayers for this week are that my daughter will be “pure in heart.”

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